These are true stories of my experiences as a waitress.

Stories of a Waitress Slowly Going Insane

Kick off those slip resistant shoes and relax

Servers that tip like shit

There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for a server to tip another server like shit unless there was some RIDICULOUS circumstance where there was not good service. However, it’s hard to believe that that would happen. I would never purposely give bad service to someone; it’s how I make my money. Why would I treat you like shit when you’re the one paying my bills? 

Two examples: 

Last night, Goldengirl was waiting on a young lady who works for another restaurant in our chain. This means that she gets 25% off her meal. We know she’s a server because we have been to the place she works at. Goldengirl gives excellent service and she’s an absolute sweetheart. Her tip: 5 on 37. That’s just under 15% , and that’s AFTER she got 25% off. 

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS! YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE AND YOU KNOW HOW TIPPING WORKS AND YOU WORK FOR TIPS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO DO THAT TO SOMEONE THAT WORKS FOR THE SAME COMPANY AS YOU?! THE FUCK?! 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

If any of you do this to me, I WILL write about your cheap asses. Make no mistake. 

Example 2:

My restaurant is across from a Waffle House; last night we had two “lovely” ladies that work there come in and sit in Crazy Bat’s section before their shift started. They ordered the cheapest steaks on the menu, and honestly, they looked like real pains in the asses. Thank God I didn’t have to wait on them. THANK GOD. My fuse is short enough already without this bullshit.

Anyway, they complained to Crazybat about their steaks; typical. She came back to the kitchen to tell Kind Soul. As I passed their table, one of them grabbed me with an arm shaped like a tree trunk. Seriously; this bitch was fat and strong as an ox. 

Gross lady: “I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER.”

Me: “Take your hand off me. Do not touch me.”

I then went back to the kitchen, told Kind Soul and Crazybat, then ran my happy self the fuck away from their table. I see them bitch and moan to Kind Soul for 20 minutes about how “awful” their steaks are, how Crazybat acted snotty to them (pretty sure anyone would come off snotty to them because they were ignorant, redneck bitches and I also know that Crazybat would do no such thing), how they had HORRIBLE service, how they were NEVER coming back again, and a whole bunch of nonsense. Wanna know what Kindsoul did? 

PAID FOR THEIR MEALS, so that they will COME BACK AGAIN….

I guess I’ll be paying a fun visit to that Waffle House REAL soon ;) 

Jk. I’m not that mean. If it were my table though, you can bet your ass I would’ve gone in there and raised some major hell over a fucking waffle just to show them what pieces of shit they acted like. Oh, and they stiffed Crazybat. Utter trash. 

(This is in no way making fun of anyone that works at WH. I actually have friends that work there. These women, however, quite obviously came from the bowels of Hell just to get a free meal and bitch and moan about their shitty lives. Just sayin.)

Cheapo’s

Mr. and Mrs. Cheapo and their clan came in today…. all five ordered water, and both parents wanted a side of lemons… lovely…

And they all proceeded to make ghetto lemonade right in front of my face. The entire table was covered in a plethora of little granules of sugar, splenda, and sweet and low. The apple does not fall far from the tree, does it?

Oh, and two of their kids that looked atleast 15 or 16 ordered off the kids menu…. and ordered the fruit juice that comes with it. Fruit juice? REALLY? ARE YOU FOUR?!

Back to the ghetto lemonade (bitch and moan of the day)… with all of the trouble that it takes me to constantly bring you lemons and have to refill my entire sugar caddy, I’d MUCH RATHER just bring you free lemonade. You people get on my fucking nerves!

If I was a real scheming bitch, I’d find a way to charge you for all those lemons so that it would’ve been cheaper to just get lemonade, but instead I choose to talk shit about you on an anonymous blog. Yay for having a pair, eh?  

The table of 5 ate for 50 bucks…and they had a gift card… really, guys? Give me a fucking break.