These are true stories of my experiences as a waitress.

Stories of a Waitress Slowly Going Insane

Kick off those slip resistant shoes and relax

Mouthbreather

Our DM is such a fucking mouthbreather…. whenever he comes by, he stays the whole day and just walks around breathing down everyone’s neck and talks in this child molester voice and asks a billion questions at once: “Hey gal! How’s it going today? All your food coming out alright? Everything going okay? Have you tried our new dish? Been personalizing drink orders? Been giving great service? Have you been PERSONALIZING YOUR SERVICE?”

personalize my service… how about I personalize your face? 

He then asked me how I personalize my service for each guest every day. 

Let’s see… When they piss me off, I don’t rip their fucking heads off like I’m tempted to! jk…. I’m not even sure what I told him. 

Whenever he’s around, Unstable walks around with this look of dread on his face like any moment, a bomb will go off. The others freak out in the kitchen trying to make sure nothing goes wrong… And it just so happens that EVERYTHING goes wrong all at once.

Then he will stand behind you while you are greeting your tables. I was talking to this family of four yesterday, and I watched as their eyes lost contact with  mine and started watching behind me. I turn, and Mouthbreather is standing right behind me staring at them and smiling with that creepy smile of his. FUCKING CREEPER.